Monkey on My Back

There was a downright monkey war going on along my shoulders, and I was supposed to just stand there and take it. In fact, I had to smile for the camera, letting the monkeys continue their kafuffle on top of my head.

I was on the Rock of Gibraltar and I was frolicking with monkeys. More specifically, I was cringing at the feeling of wild Barbary Apes scampering across my skin. Standing there, hoping that the wet, gushy feeling I was enduring was simply their small damp feet, not…

“My buddy was here just yesterday and the monkey peed on him,” an American named James – on a day leave from one of the many ships in Gibraltor’s harbour – told me just as I volunteered to be the first in our group to act as a human set of monkey bars. Great. Just great. The perfect holiday treat: wild monkey urine dripping down your face.

Our driver, a native Gibraltarian, took tourists up the Rock for a living. He was well-versed in this kind of monkey business, and was the one who carried out the ape seduction. I was just the pedestal onto which he lured it, using a hand full of food to bring an ape my way.

Then, there was a wild animal walking along my shoulders; tamed, it’s true, by years of human feedings, but wild all the same. A mound of scrapped vegetables left by the parking lot served as lunch and dinner, making the apes easy to find for tourists like me, but the monkey on my shoulder was used to performing for its snack food, its wee wet feet traveling confidently past my neck towards the driver’s outstretched hand. Me, I wasn’t so used to this, and I was cringing when the flash went off - the photo taken - ready to fling aside the innocent ape currently lunching on my head, come the first sign of urine traveling down my neck.

What actually happened, though, I didn’t see coming. A second ape, lured by the taxi driver’s goodies, made his move. Jumped onto my shoulders, pushed the first aside. A full on bar brawl, monkey style, was taking place on my shoulders.

I may not have known what to expect when traveling to Gibraltar, but angry monkeys fighting for food on my head – while I secretly wondered how to remove urine stains from my new shirt – probably wasn’t it. Cross another item off my ‘things to do’ list, though. Playing referee in a wild monkey brawl? Sure, I’ve done that.

Posted by Lisa.

Photo - Mr. Ape looking all innocent before the brawl begins. Also, the glint in his eyes is evidence enough: he’s saving up his urine purposefully to let loose on the nearest tourist. Those beasts will get you if you don’t watch out. (Sorry, I just couldn’t post the photo of me and the ape - it’s just too sad how scared I look.) November 2003 - LV.

~ by Lisa on April 3, 2008.